The Essence of Life ♥

Being ignored is the worst thing in the world. It makes you want to punish yourself because it makes you feel like you’ve done something wrong and makes you realise how very little your existence actually means to everyone.

Okay, so I had my nose job on Monday and have been recovering for the last 5 days.

The actual build up to the operation was so scary, since I’ve never had surgery before I guess it was natural for me to be that scared. Once I’d been taken to the theatre though that was it, I was put to sleep before I could remember and then I woke up about 3 hours later in a recovery ward.

It’s really not as a bad as it sounds, since they break your nose to do a nose job and stuff I was actually quite comfortable and fine straight after the surgery, probably due to the anaesthetic and stuff.

The recovery after then has been the most uncomfortable thing I have ever gone through though. Not being able to breathe out my nose or smell for like a whole week is just really difficult, and I have to have these injections daily until Monday to stop my blood from clotting.

I woke up this morning though and actually managed to have a lie in, and I didn’t require a bandage last night or to have more than 3 pillows to help me sleep. My lips are really dry from the fact I have to continually breathe out my mouth, but it’s definitely much better than it was as little as 24 hours ago.

So, not too long to go until I get my splint off now. I’m back in London on Tuesday to finally have it removed and then things should be pretty much straightforward and like normal from then, except I’ll have the new found confidence I’ve always deserved.

I can’t wait to see my new nose properly, it’s already obviously much smaller and a better shape that compliments my face. I’m going to have my eyebrows shaped nicely once I’ve had this splint off, and I’m going to make myself feel all fab with my new clothes and my new found smile.

I can’t thank the people who have been here to help me through recovery either. It’s been really difficult, but my wonderful best friend has helped me every step of the way an given me advice and things to look forward to when I’m recovered, and my perfect boyfriend has been here for me and put up with me when I’ve been really emotional and has just made me feel so much better. I don’t know what I’d do without them, they’re such amazing people.

I’ve spent the weekend with my amazing boyfriend. We went for a buffet at Wing Wah on Saturday and stuffed our faces, then went to the cinema to watch Side Effects and cuddled up together. Then we watched Netflix and fell asleep in each others arms when we got back to mine. I love being with him, it’s so cute and perfect.

I’m in London atm, in just over nine hours I’ll be going through my operation for my nose job. I’m really nervous, but also excited. This is it, my big day and I hope it changes my life.

This last week has been pretty good to be honest.

I went to a meet up in Birmingham with my divas Hannah, Kate and Maggie on Saturday. It was such a fab day tbh. Best of all I got asked out, and I said yes because I absolutely adore this person. It’s weird, after two years of being single, and a lifetime of feeling alone and like nobody was right for me I’ve found someone I genuinely care about, and who genuinely feels the same way about me.

I went to hospital on Monday regarding my eyes, and have been put on a waiting list for an operation later in the year that’ll remove the discomfort I currently have, which should make me feel more refreshed and the sense of just seeing will be a lot easier and comfortable compared to now.

Our new SmartTV arrived on Tuesday, and I now have my new room close to completion, with a 46” HDTV as well. I am honestly so excited to see its completion.

The last 24 hours I spent with my perfect boyfriend. We went for a good late night drive around the East and West Midlands before cuddling up and falling asleep in each others arms in the back of my car. Everything is so amazing when I’m with him, it’s actually such a wonderful feeling and I’m honestly so happy and optimistic for the future now.

Coming up I’ve got a weekend I’m spending with my boyfriend, then a final consultation with my cosmetic surgeon on Monday. I’ll hopefully be having my dermal filler put in on Monday, and then I go in to hospital for my rhinoplasty the following Monday, which is also when my new car arrives.

When I’ve had my operation ill be a whole new more confident person, and I hope with this confidence I can help make other people feel better too because of the removal of feeling I’m constantly being judged.

Well, today was the big day, and man has it been a long and productive one.

Me and Hannah woke up about 5AM this morning and got to Birmingham for about 9AM, we got on a train which apparently our ticket wasn’t valid for and we got kicked off in the middle of nowhere having to wait another hour for the train our ticket was valid for.

By noon we’d made it into London and found Harley Street. I was so nervous at this point, and all I could think about was a mixture of emotions regarding excitement and nerves. We managed to walk through the doors of the surgery though and were seen by my plastic surgeon, Lucian Ion, at about 2PM.

We had a good talk about the goals of the surgery and what I wanted the outcome to be, and 2D renders of the expected result were made. After looking at them I was really really pleased and even more eager and excited to get it all sorted.

I will be attending a second consultation with my mother on March 11th to discuss preparation for surgery and other factors, but I now have the big day!

On March 18th, 2013 I will travel to London to go under the knife at MBI Weymouth Hospital for my rhinoplasty. In addition at some point, hopefully prior to this, I will have dermal filler injected into my chin to add fullness and correct the asymmetrical shape it is in currently, and this will also remove my hated ‘cleft chin’.

Words cannot describe how excited I am for the upcoming month. My new life starts in just over 3 weeks.

So, everything is going really good right now.

I have my consultation with the plastic surgeon tomorrow, and I’ve been a lot happier the last two weeks because of someone.

I went on a cute romantic date last night, something I haven’t done in a long long time. It was actually perfect, it is so nice to just sit down and have nice food, and look across the table to see someone who means so much to you, and someone that you genuinely care about and cares for you. I feel like I can be myself around them, and it makes me so happy that they adore me for the person I am.

I told myself this year would be my year, and now, only two months in, I’m the happiest I have been in a long long time, perhaps the happiest I’ve ever been! My new life is starting, and everything is coming together quite nicely.

I met someone, a week ago, at a meet-up, and to be honest I think it’s the best thing that’s happened in a long time.

A lot of people criticise meet-ups, and I don’t understand why. It’s no different to what most people do, and it gives the opportunity to meet some new and wonderful people.

I went to Birmingham with Kate and my best friend, Hannah, last Saturday and I had such a wonderful time to be honest. Me and Kate haven’t really been as close as we used to be for quite a while, and on Saturday I remembered everything about why I was friends with her. I was getting threatened and despite everything she stuck up for me, I realise now that that is what true friends do.

Not only that, but someone came along to the meet up and I immediately noticed them. In a drunken state me and Kate went to them, and Kate told us to kiss. We did, and it was the best thing ever, and I know we wouldn’t have if it wasn’t for her. I’m really insecure so I wouldn’t have done otherwise, but as soon as we kissed something magical happened.

Now, it feels so amazing to actually feel like there is someone so close by who actually genuinely cares about me. I haven’t felt this way in a long time, and perhaps my entire life. I’ve been alone for so long, and I rarely let people in, but this feels different.

I’ve seen them since, and spent over 24 hours with them the week gone by and I loved every minute. When I left I missed them already, and missing someone is both a wonderful and shit feeling at the same time. The latter isn’t a problem though, as knowing that you will seem them again really soon puts excitement and a massive smile on to my face that I’m not used to.

I really hope things go well, and I have a great feeling they will. I said that 2013 would be my year, and it feels like that is becoming more and more true each day.

Regarding other things: me and my parents are closer than ever, I have the bestest best friend I could ever ask for, I have loads of wonderful friends around me, and I’m doing well with my law work. My consultation for my surgery is on Thursday 28th and that brings me one step closer to finally booking the final day of my surgery. I am honestly so happy, it’s a really strange feeling, but it’s absolutely fab!